Nicolesayywhatt

lustire:

im not ignoring your snapchats, im just too ugly to reply at the moment

(via dreamsforgetwhiskeyremembers)

sweetpeachytea:

apparently February 14th will be a full moon. Celebrate with your lover by turning into a werewolf on your date and devouring them. 100% romantic i am an expert.

(via funny-text-posts)

nosdrinker:

*steps out onto balcony* where are my fans at

(via funny-text-posts)

londoniers:

once my sister was eating pop rocks on my bed and spilled some but forgot to clean it up and apparently some pop rocks got on my pillow bc in the middle of the night i happened to drool and i swear to fucking god there is nothing more terrifying than having pop rocks exploding all up in your face when you are asleepĀ 

(via funny-text-posts)

i show my affection to my friends by gently bullying them

(Source: augutsy, via funny-text-posts)

goldenclitoris:

when u know u mama mad at u but u gotta walk past her to get food from the kitchen
image

(via funny-text-posts)

macklemorrigan:

when the toughest most meanest character falls in love with the cutest most sweetest one

image

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(Source: daftlypunk, via funny-text-posts)

sexlness:

landorus:

erection and election are spelled almost exactly the same and when u think about it they basically mean the same thing

a dick rising to power

(via funny-text-posts)